Objectified

Return home from work hour later than usual in hope of increasing capital at workplace. Flatmate Johnny in later stages of bottle of wine. Flatmate Tom AWL. Spend length of time discussing film ideas with flatmate Johnny. Self edging nearer to feeling ready to begin thinking about possibly trying to come up with idea for film. Realise that dream blog scenario involves self watching own film and being deprecating about film on blog. Fear that if dream reaches fruition, internet technology will have made blog defunct, as by that time humankind will most likely be under domination of machines.


Flatmate Johnny retires to bedroom to watch True Blood, which self knows flatmate Tom also enjoying, though not currently. As much as self knows that self would enjoy any televised series that features heavy mouth-on-genitals petting within opening fifteen minutes, for time being self excited about watching Objectified, documentary filmmaker Gary Hustwit's second film and follow up to font-based documentary epic Helvetica. 


Self aware that powerhouse Hustwit little known in film land. Little over 1000 people have rated Helvetica on imdb.com and research reveals this only to do with re-release of film in shortened form as part of BBC's Imagine series. Objectfied, by comparison, rated on imdb by little over 300 people. Self so wholeheartedly in support of documentary on font that self including poster of film for no reason.

Objectified reveals itself as documentary about object design. Crux similar to Helvetica in that designers interviewed are geared towards minimalistic use-oriented design, creating objects as simplistic as possible. Font simile: Helvetica like iPod, Comic Sans like travelling folk band. 


Naturally, famous designer in charge of Braun - whose products Apple sells on Apple Store - says Apple best design company at present. Point made by journalist that invention of microchip lead to products in no way reflecting their use. iPod is mini rectangle. Spoon looks like it could be used to shovel substance from one place onto/into another. Am surprised to hear word "analogue" in conjunction with spoon. Self always thought analogue meant record players and video art. Self put in place. On chair. At desk. Analogue chair. Analogue desk. 


Ex-designer for BMW sits in car and says that car has face. Car is avatar for human being as car making statement on road. Instant worriment at what self's car - hulking purple Toyota people carrier - saying about self. Is self's car saying self is children's-television-programme-character Barney the Dinosaur? Is self's car saying self is fat? Self pleased that representative car now parked far from flat in private road in Epping, hidden from human eyes. Self can instead pretend self's car is SmartCar. Realise when thinking of SmartCar that SmartCar looks like large iPod. Self is iPod. 


French woman appears and says she strives to draw out individualistic element in mass produced objects. Gary Hustwit making overall comment about cinema? 


Man in charge of store chain Muji reflects that "By writing simply and only about what is there, the audience is drawn into the poet's world." Self obviously not poet as self was never supporting act at flatmate Johnny's poetry recitals - although self has seen Unforgiven - but Muji man's follow up statement is elucidating regarding blog: "Their imagination is stimulated, and a silent connection is established." Self would like similar relationship with blog readers. Self thereby required to write "simply and only about what is there..." Decide also to write in Helvetica font for furthered simplicity.


Self. Laptop. Ashtray with well balanced cigarette. Fourth can of Stella. Hands typing keys on laptop. Ashtray annoyingly shallow in design. Ashtray should be deeper. Ashtray rim should by thicker for more roll-up cigarette balance stability. Design of Stella can means full cans can be stacked vertically with no limit. 


Decide that textual analysis of film not feasible using Japanese-what-is-there technique and return to old style. Decide that the very least self can do is use Helvetica font as tribute to Hustwit. 


Documentary takes dramatic dark turn when issue of environment raised. Self did not realise extent of environmental concern caused by toothbrushes. Self put in place again in analogue chair at analogue desk when Hustwit films wallchart. Human being uses 154 toothbrushes, 292 tubes of toothpaste, 1,095 packs of gum, 219 bottles of mouthwash in lifetime. Self dubious about last statistic as self has used mouthwash maybe twice in life and considers occupation solely that of upper-middle class Manhattanites. Self plans trip to Boots following day.


Global toothbrush problem enters think tank. One option voiced is sterling silver handle with attachable brush. Self likes option. Self plans trip to Muji following day. Self forced to take pause as self no longer reading subtitles so Muji man must not be designer of sterling silver toothbrush. 


Looking at members of toothbrush think tank causes sense of borderline irony as several designers would benefit from having make-up/fashion advisors. 


Self experiences near-ecstasy during toothbrush design montage when graphics designer uses computer to put together images for "Word of Mouth" campaign and is asked if font being used is HELVETICA. Remember why self has chosen cinema as life long beloved medium and why self endures offal like Man About Town on off chance that moment such as this will occur. 


Self needs new toothbrush.


Euphoria turns to despair when self realises alcohol drought occurring. Already 1.30am. Can not leave without explanation as flatmate Johnny still awake as sound of screaming coming from room (50% possible screaming coming from television). Fortunately, earlier trip to Tesco led to self's purchase of Sleep Aid. Make cup of tea. Peruse instructions on Sleep Aid box. "May cause drowsiness." Self fucking hopes so! "Avoid alcoholic drink." Self wonders if this means before or afterwards.


No time to lose so self swallows 75mg of Diphenhydramine Hydrochloride as documentary comes to close. In finale am told by designer that if hurricane suddenly swept through hometown, self would not grab item that received good write up in design blog, self would instead grab treasured possessions from personal narrative. Since self's personal narrative is currently available in blog form, self would have to grab laptop. Self would also grab box of boyhood memorabilia (manorabilia) and all of alcohol from flatmate Johnny's room. More than satisfied when closing sequence of Objectified infers that filmmaker Hustwit would likewise grab laptop and, pleasingly self-reflexively, video camera.


Annoyed with self for not checking time of Sleep Aid dosage. Can't tell if slightly drunk of over medicated. Decide to lie in analogue bed until pharmaceuticals take hold. Mix of alcohol and Sleep Aid results in dreams of electric cars. Self reminded of documentary Who Killed the Electric Car? Self wonders why corporate-greed-challenging film sunk without trace. Self wonders who killed the film Who Killed the Electric Car? Self is iPod. iPod set to sleep.