Remember Me

Wake at 9am and decide no cause for such early action and affects of Sleep Aid not fully discharged. Wake at 11.30am and settle down at desk to write sensible non-blog review of The Rebound for website. Self has file in recent downloads that self ashamed of: Robert Pattinson indie Remember Me. Self was requested to locate film by non-flatmate workmate Valentina, who although saying RPatz looked fat in recent Twilight Saga offering Eclipse, still harbours crush on boy vampire. Received texts from workmate Valentina claiming RPatz film caused unstoppable floods of eye water. Self immediately interested, but still tentative about watching film as self suspicious that certain young English males who like acting genuinely allergic to RPatz and RPatz success. Eventually succumb, load film onto VLC player, as self led to believe by gossip whoremonger Perez Hilton that RPatz career veering towards similar type of film, whilst fellow Twilight alumnus Taylor Lautner heading for action mainstream, and so self should - for sake of interest in medium of cinema - keep track of RPatz career development. Self also feels as if self can ignore film quite easily whilst writing review as film marketed as romance.

Self, again, misled by marketing. Film very distracting. Chris Cooper very upset by death of wife. RPatz very upset about death of older brother and deficient relationship with big shot lawyer dad Pierce Brosnan. Too much bad for self in early afternoon. Self prefers bad when self wearing tight jeans and leather jacket. Self puts film on pause so self can focus. Things much better.

Beginning The Rebound review painstaking - as self has not properly reviewed film for years - but not without slight merit. Self finishes introduction and synopsis and attempts to begin third paragraph. Self needs screening notes. Notes not in bag. Notes not in other bag. Notes not under bed. Notes not in pile of other notes. Notes not in fridge. Self accepts with great annoyance that notes must be where all other things that aren't in room located: locker at workplace. Self is forced to abort review and carry out mundane life chores. Self may as well watch RPatz film at same time.

RPatz almost same age as self. RPatz complains that by RPatz age Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart had composed thirty symphonies, Gandhi had fathered three children, and Buddy Holly was dead. RPatz neglects to mention his own success at that age.

Although RPatz smoking and very angry for no explicable reason, RPatz not James Dean. RPatz doesn't notice hilarious relevance of annoying friend's complaint: "I'm really sick and tired of this of this brewing introvert shit." RPatz aiming to make whole career out of this acting approach. RPatz acting approach limited. RPatz good at brooding as brooding involves staring at floor and having unpredictable hair. RPatz works magic on Chris Cooper daughter. Magic involves looking smug. Chris Cooper daughter unwilling to date RPatz, even though RPatz not vampire and working magic. RPatz likes daughter, but problematic as daughter daddy likes arresting RPatz because RPatz also likes fighting because RPatz likes doing James Dean impression. Whilst looking at floor.

Even self, who has burnt incense whilst listening to albums by Bright Eyes whilst waiting for text from girl that self phone never receives whilst drinking self to oblivion, thinks RPatz needs to perk up. Film centred around RPatz rage range so film naturally limited. Self never comes close to workmate Valentina reaction, but self can see why emotional response possible. (Workmate Valentina girl.)

RPatz eventually manages to gain almost-likability in closing montage when revelation that RPatz about to die because RPatz in wrong place (Twin Towers) at wrong time (11th September 2001). Climax raises self's eyebrow. Film title never fully explained, but then, lots in film without explanation, most of all RPatz rage. Self annoyed that memory of Remember Me will linger because of inclusion of American disaster. Self decides to set off for work and display impression of RPatz rage to workmate Valentina as punishment for recommendation. Self changes mind instantly as workmate Valentina can beat self in fight. Decide to collect notes in locker and sit in corner, looking smug whilst looking at floor.